Peer oriented children slavishly imitate each other in language, dress, attitudes, etc. In extreme cases, communication between children and parents breaks down entirely, and the family and home becomes a battle zone. These are gang dynamics, although many parents do not recognize it, at times even pushing their children into the arms of their peers. Many children never get unstuck as they age. This influences their entire life, crippling their educational and professional attainments, and even leading to long-term financial dependence on the family they eschew.
If they have children, they are usually ineffective in their attempts to connect with them, resulting in youngsters even more peer-oriented than themselves. When a child has a meager or non-existent attachment to his or her parents, he or she will turn to peers for love and approval. This is where everything breaks down.
In the peer group, the child immediately learns that appearing emotionally needy or vulnerable is an invitation to ridicule and rejection. Aggression gradually becomes a permanent trait that the child, and later the adult, is unaware of, although he or she remains painfully conscious of its existence in others. This is the psychological birthplace of bullying. Catholics respect authority and hierarchy. It is second nature to us.
Consequently we instinctively establish pecking orders in every school, every parish, every workplace, every association, and every group of friends. Our children do likewise. Thus, our Catholic culture is, inadvertently, fertile ground for the development of a culture of bullying.
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Children who are insufficiently attached to parents, or other close adults—such as relatives, teacher, or neighbors—become the favorite targets of bullies. These children are drawn into the peer bullying culture unawares, becoming bullies themselves towards those whom they are able to dominate. Bullying becomes a pervasive way of life in childhood, and an unconscious trait in adulthood.
It goes without saying that, from a Catholic perspective, this is a disgrace. Let me explain. Over the years since my childhood, I have felt an impulse to bully certain men. However, as with impurity, my resolve not to bully or ridicule was only as strong as my will power—which varied according to my level of grace, awareness, will power, fatigue and temptation. Actually, I did not know why I did these things or how to stop them. With a flash of shame, I realized that, yes , I was a bully, and that I had a compulsion to dominate other men stemming from poor attachment to my parents in childhood and adolescence, and consequent Peer Orientation.
Simultaneously, I realized that this compulsion was sinful, disgusting, unnecessary, and counter-productive to me as an adult. Encouraged by my earlier insights, I allowed myself to pose the uncomfortable question that led to my liberation from impurity and final healing. I could not help but notice that my epiphany about bullying only related to men. Could they be equivalent? Could they be part of the same disorder? This was truly a repulsive thought.
It was then that I realized the truth. The wielding of sexual power, whether real or imagined, is exactly the way a man would try to dominate a woman—not through contests of strength or skill, not through posturing, boasting or ridicule, not through any of the methods men commonly employ with each other. These would be as ridiculous for a man to employ against a women, as sexual pressure of another man would be as equally absurd. Thus, my sexual fantasies with women were, indeed, based on the same compulsion to dominate that I had acknowledged as bullying in my attitudes towards men.
Impurity truly is the other side of the bullying coin. This was a moment of shame.
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What liberation! This was my experience exactly. Although the authors did not address sexual impurity in their book, it was their explanation of bullying and peer orientation that allowed me to identify my problem. Once I made the connection between impurity and bullying, I could no longer tolerate either in myself.
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And because this is an advance in maturity, I am not even tempted to behave that way. Thomas Aquinas taught that grace builds on nature and brings it to fulfillment. We are blessed as Catholics to have the sacraments constantly available to us as conduits of sanctifying grace. Elevating our human nature is a harder nut to crack, requiring our constant effort and collaboration with the Holy Spirit, and openness to whatever means the Holy Spirit may utilize.
The epiphanies I received have removed a major stumbling block in my spiritual life. I wish that everyone troubled by impurity could experience the same. This healing has returned to me the sweetness and simplicity of the days of my First Holy Communion. There are other benefits to overcoming the bullying impulse.
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It is often said that we are most annoyed by faults we have that we also perceive in others. I now feel compassion, not rage, for those enmeshed in impurity. I do not claim that I will never again be troubled by impure thoughts. That is part of the unknown future.
But I am convinced that a fundamental change has taken place within me—a change that has freed my maturity process to resume where it left off. If I am tempted by impurity in the future, it will be in a context I cannot now foresee, or due to a disordered will. I sense that a veil has been removed from between me and other people. I no longer suspect their motives, or question their abilities and intentions. I am better integrated into mankind.
Whereas once I felt that I was flying solo in this world amidst a swarm of threatening, sometimes even subhuman, enemies echoes of the peer group I now sense a unity and fellowship with others as never before. Men were once rivals; women were once bodies. Now, all are simply people. The difference in my life is wonderful. I am so grateful.
God is good and I thank him for healing me. Finally, confessors need to remember that attacking impurity only as a species of lust may fail because impurity is sometimes built on a foundation of unconscious aggression. Remove the aggression; remove the impurity.
Lust – It’s Not Always About Sex - Homiletic & Pastoral Review
Ask a question appropriate to their situation. You are trying to open up a discussion and help him realize that dominance is still a reality in his life and mind. Alternatively, ask if he has ever felt a desire to humiliate another man. If you can get him to open up about the normal rivalries that every man dealt with in childhood, you can lead him to understand that remnants of peer rivalry may be the cause of his impurity today.
Search the terms "women rapper" or "female rap" on Twitter and, looking past the stan culture, you'll find an assortment of disparaging tweets disguised as 'hot takes,' unjustly comparing women to their peers and predecessors and perpetuating the idea that women rappers should tone down their sensuality. Women, and especially Black women's sexual desires have always been policed by society; those working in hip-hop are no exception.
Men often view women who detail their sex lives through witty bars, enticing dance moves and revealing clothing as lesser than their male counterparts, who rap about the same things and either exhibit the same behaviors themselves or use other, typically unnamed women as props for the same purpose. Women succumbing to internalized misogyny or subscribing to respectability politics pass judgment, too. But women unapologetically rapping about how they split, flip and spit is an aspect of hip-hop culture that should never die.
Women who choose to rhyme explicitly endure being cast as lazy stereotypes, but the choice to reclaim their identity as both human and sexual, not deviant or barbaric, is a powerful one. Using artistic expression, these artists also empower a fan base that is routinely objectified and dehumanized for their very existence. The shameful view cast upon raunchy female rappers reveals deeply ingrained historical disdain for women in general.
Long before the Bronx birthed hip-hop, Black women were hyper-sexualized and fetishized while simultaneously being discarded and disregarded. Throughout centuries of trauma and turmoil, Black women have endured racial and gender discrimination used to control and objectify our existence. Harmful stereotypes transformed Black women's natural, human desire for intimate gratification into animalistic and overtly lewd behavior that's ironically exploited by those who would profit from it or take advantage of it themselves.
This jezebel stereotype portrays the idea that Black women are promiscuous with an unlimited sexual appetite, always on the prowl for their next encounter and available for others to use at their disposal. That notion, one of the oldest and most dehumanizing views of Black women, continues to harm our existence and disrupt our daily experiences. Black women and girls around the world face a disproportionate and devastating amount of sexual violence.
In the U. Despite this, Black women still step in the booth and speak their truths, not letting negative commentary or unwanted advances quiet their voices or control their minds. From sexism to the crack epidemic, OG queens of the genre have never shied away from taking it there; however, flaunting one's sexuality has not always been the lane to success.
Mothers of the genre, such as Queen Latifah, MC Lyte , Roxanne Shante, Lady Of Rage, YoYo and Monie Love made careers out of hip-hop boasting bravado dripped in street swagger, proving through lyricism and message their ability to dominate alongside men — or even dominate them outright.
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It was Salt-N-Pepa, the first female rap group to reach gold or platinum status, who brought a refreshing sound and image to hip-hop in the late s. Sporting spandex and gold chains, Salt-N-Pepa pushed female-driven, sex positive messages through their music.
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In , the group released "Let's Talk About Sex" to both huge popularity and backlash for its explicit content. With the song, they created a movement and opened the doors for women in hip-hop to not only talk about sex, but rap about how they get down. In , Salt shared with Rolling Stone the intention behind the song. Related Nicki Minaj Breaks the Internet. The song was not about sex.